still struggling

i find myself still struggling with this thing called life.

i need to read the serenity prayer. sigh.

today's mantra

1 Corinthians 10:13

13No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.

Monday

ok, i'm totally plaguerizing here, this is w's post to one of the mailing lists we are on. but it captures it totally and succinctly. so sue me. ;-)

"this morning, i asked MP if she wanted to take quick jaunt to
breakfast. she suggested nico's, a great little hole-in-the-wall
mexican place right across the street from micky-d's. we took our ADV
bikes, & as we enjoyed our breakfast burritos, i couldn't help but
comment on the mcdonald's across the street: "why would anybody eat
there when this place is right across the street?"

after finishing our food, i asked her if she wanted to visit the casa
grande military reservation. she quickly agreed, & off we went. we
ended up taking quite a roundabout way through the reservation:

http://maps.google.com/maps?f=d&hl=en&geocode=4426515937381981633,32.879592,-111.734410%3B7172395427106393449,32.828683,-111.727124&saddr=1265+W+Del+Monte+Dr,+Casa+Grande,+AZ+85222&daddr=1226+E+Florence+Blvd+%23+11,+Casa+Grande,+AZ+85222+(Nico's+Mexican+Food)+to:32.829242,-111.727438&mra=dme&mrcr=1&mrsp=2&sz=17&sll=32.82825,-111.723318&sspn=0.007798,0.009516&ie=UTF8&ll=32.829927,-111.723361&spn=0.015596,0.019033&t=k&z=16

or

http://tinyurl.com/6eh6kp

from the endpoint depicted on the above map, we headed due east, first
on the upper portion until we came to an excessively steep & rocky
downhill section, then backtracking to the lower section & again
heading east. what a workout; we definitely burned off those
breakfast burritos! from there we headed to the kids' house, but they
weren't home so we headed out across the desert, taking a mostly dirt
route all the way home...

i sure like living in a small down where we can still do that. :-)"

Sunday

BBQ today. looking forward to everyone coming over. made potato salad and beans last night. we'll no doubt have a great time. even mom is coming, awesome!!!

i love having family. just wish megan was here. i pray one day she finds her way back home. i miss her.

little victoria is getting ready to go out to the garage to help grandpa. this should be good. :-D

weekend

since i was on a deployment call all night wednesday night, and had meetings that i had to attend on thursday, i worked from home on friday.

it was a nice break. i was able to get some things done uninterrupted. OTOH, there is a lot to be said for having the daily interaction with your co-workers. things get done a lot quicker when it can be a hallway question/discussion.

my company is small enough yet that things can get accomplished in very short order once the details have been ironed out. i haven't been in that environment for quite some time. and i must say, i still LOVE it.

i was a bit nervous about this surgery and the recoup time. when i spoke to my boss about it and told her i was apprehensive about losing my job, she immediately replied "not going to happen." and quite emphatically i might add. that was comforting.

my back meds have stopped helping at all. as w said, it's not about the swelling anymore, it's progressed to the point that there is just no room left. it will not get better, but progressively worse. spondylolisthesis - slipped verdebra (not disk) and spinal stenosis. double whammy. the surgeon must stabilize the spine for the slipped vertebrae and then deal with the stenosis. w's reaction to the rod being surgically inserted. . ."cool, titanium!"

Update:

took the kids down to the end of the block to let christopher ride his dirtbike. w rode mine to get it a little exercise and clean out the carb. victoria and i followed along with the stroller. w had to go back to the house to retrieve a folding chair for me so i didn't have to stand. just getting used to all this non-functional stuff is tedious. i guess it's time for the cure.

anywho, i'm preparing to have the fam over tomorrow for a cookout. i even bought meat! along with the veggie hot dogs. :-)

christopher gave the children's story in church today. it was about how we should have respect and honor our veterans, how they fought, and continue to fight, for our freedom.

God bless all of them!

pity party

i saw the surgeon today. i made this appt. over a month ago when i cried "uncle" on my back that has been aching non-stop for over 1.5 years. my leg goes numb with increasing regularity and i've stopped doing most things because of the pain.

i was prepared for 4-8 weeks recovery.

when i saw the surgeon today, he spoke of fusion, vertebrae and stenosis, is more like 4 MONTHS recovery. that amount of time, i'm just not ready to devote.

he did say that my riding days are not over. once the recovery is over (100% could take up to 1 year), i could resume my daily life.

THAT SUCKS, hence, the pity party.

in the light of day, i'm sure things will look better. right now, "not so much."

i can't stand it

we went camping again this weekend with the grandkids. they had so much fun last weekend, and we know the weather is on the verge of changing. it was MUCH warmer this weekend than last.

last weekend victoria insisted on bringing the "yadder", the 2 step stepstool from the garage. this weekend grandpa loaded it because he knew she'd be looking for it.

so last night, with the camp fire crackling in the background and the stars bursting forth from the dark sky, she climbs the ladder, stands on the top step, reaches out her little two year old hands and says "i get it," as she reaches for the stars.

she melts my heart.

i can't stand how blessed i am to be experiencing these precious moments in time. i do not know what i have done in my life to deserve these experiences. i. am. humbled.

this weekend

i will never tire of spending time with these precious ones:

http://picasaweb.google.com/lynn.guilkey/Camping